Moving Forward Past The Goal

I’m a little nervous.

This weekend I’m signed up to run a 10K. I haven’t been running as much as I should and I haven’t been watching my diet as closely as I should. It’s so easy to become misguided when there’s a great Mexican food restaurant on every block and a new gourmet cupcake bakery pops up daily!

So Monday morning I laced up my running shoes and forced myself to hit the track. My music on my phone wasn’t working and I was mad. I was mad that I hadn’t been working harder and now I was going to have to run in silence.

With all that silence comes reflection and the conversation with myself wasn’t all that positive.

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“Why don’t you have more will power? Why do you still struggle with making good choices with food? Is it always going to be so challenging? Will I ever get ‘good’ at this? Will I ruin everything I’ve worked so hard for?”

There comes a time after you get to your “goal” when people stop telling you that you are doing a good job and that you look good. I knew it was coming and I knew it was going to be hard. Because comments like those gave me strength to do well….to continue working hard.

And I wonder, no I actually worry… do I have what it takes to keep this up – by myself?

I know I have to. I know it’s up to me whether I sink or swim. But there’s that girl that’s still 55 pounds heavier inside me and she says, “you CAN’T do it Jenn, so just stop trying…just GIVE UP.”

And when I hear her I know two things for sure:

1. I don’t want to be that girl again

2. This will be an on-going journey for me. I will struggle, sometimes more than other times, but I will have to work hard at this. For. Ever.

So running on the track Monday I worried that I wasn’t going to be ready for the 10K on Saturday. I thought maybe I would just run the 5K with my family and that would be ok.

But then when I finished one lap, I told myself that surely I could run two. And when I hit two, I told myself that I was almost at three. And then three laps turned into 4 1/2 miles. It wasn’t pretty….but I did it. And If I ran 4 1/2 miles on a track without music or people around to motivate me, that it’s possible that on Saturday I could run two more miles. It’s possible and that’s progress.

And while I was stretching afterwards…I realized that I needed to tell the heavier me who thinks I can’t do it to shut the hell up. That today I did it and maybe I will tomorrow, too. And I’m going to have to take it day by day like that for awhile. Because while I haven’t gained any weight on the scale, I don’t feel as strong as I did – so I need to rededicate myself to this journey.

And I’ve got today, this moment, to make a good decision. And then I go on from there.

I said my mantra several times on the track. I’ve got to remember to say it at other times too.

Be Brave. Be fierce. Believe.

Believe. Because I have to continue on this journey for me and my health and my future.

I can’t go back. I just. can’t.

Do you struggle with weight issues? Have you met a goal and regressed? What do you do when the positive comments stop coming from others and your forced with just the thoughts you’ve got running a muck in your own head and they aren’t particularly positive? 

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Comments

  1. 1
    Brian says:

    Richard Bandler, the co-founder of NLP, suggested using this mantra whenever you get negative self talk:

    “Shut the f**k up!”

    Works for me. 🙂

  2. 2
    Shannon Haubrich says:

    I fight with myself every day. There are so many things I want to change about myself. The two biggest being having the gumption to sell my creations and losing weight. For me it all boils down to self esteem. I am not sure how mine got so broken. Years of health issues have created huge insecurities with my appearance. I used to be a stick, now I would be happy to not feel like a giant blob all the time. Faith in my creative abilities has taken a hit right along with my appearance issues. I hate feeling like I’m being judged and, if you put my issues together, that’s exactly the feeling I get.

    Keep it up Jenn! Watching you conquer the negative is inspiring. You got this!!!

  3. 3

    Hey Jenn! This post is just what I needed as I sit here and mentally argue with myself about if I should go for a run at the gym during my lunch break. Way to keep going, one lap at a time. It is hard to stay committed but so worth it in the end. I hope you have a great race this Saturday!

    • 3.1
      Jennifer Patrick says:

      You are such a great motivator to me! Sometimes I need a literal (or virtual) shove out the door! I’m going to give you a shout when I do! Hugs!!

  4. 3.1
    Jennifer Patrick says:

    Sarah is a rock star and my heart is so happy to read this post this morning. Go visit her blog today. http://www.waterwatereverywhere.net/2013/04/its-all-about-race.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FVleL+%28Water+water+everywhere…%29 You’ll love it (and her!)

Trackbacks

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