Welcome Doves…to the Bates Hotel!

I came home from swim team practice with Jackson last night and saw this in our front yard.

A birdbath.

Ed was in the kitchen and I asked him, calmly. “Do you know there’s a birdbath in the front yard?”

“Yes,” he said. “I put it there. Doesn’t it look nice?”

“Well – yes. But that’s not the point. You know how much I hate birds. Why are we inviting them to drink and bathe in our yard?”

“You don’t hate birds. Nobody hates birds. You hate cats.”

“Don’t you read my blog?!” I yelled. (see post from 3.11 entitled “Birds”)


“I really, really hate birds. Doves actually. And you would know that if you read my blog. Take it down.”


“What? Ed…really. I work from home. I write for a living. And I can’t write when 400 doves are cooing in my ear.”

“Well, I like the birdbath.”

Realizing he wasn’t going to budge, and seeing an opportunity I missed earlier – I decided to negotiate. “What if we keep the birdbath but you agree to let me kill any doves that land in it?”

“That’s not very nice.”

“Yeah, well – it’s not very nice for them to be cooing in my ear all day, either.”

“What about that whole speech about loving all of God’s creatures that you gave to Annie the other day when she was going to kill a ladybug?”

“Oh come on. Ladybugs are cute. And they are good luck!”

“Look. If you promise to only scare away the ugly doves and leave the other pretty birds entirely alone and let them bathe in peace, can we keep it?”

“Done.” Pause. “Ed, you know I would never really kill a dove, don’t you?”

“What about the one that you hit with your car?”

“That was an accident. And I tried to swerve.”

“That was a hit and run. And you swerved to hit it, not miss it.”

“Well – then.”



  1. 1
    Kim says:

    If you build it they will come…

  2. 2
    beke says:

    oooooooooooooh this means war! Doesn't Ed realize who he's married?

  3. 3
    Michelle Y says:

    The neighbors have a billion doves in their yard. Every time they fly off over our yard, my husband mutters "Man those are good wrapped in bacon and marinated in teriyaki sauce." He could handle your bird problem. Yeah, he could.

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